The International League of Jerks

[Vulture]

Let me introduce you to a secret society you’ve never heard of—but you’ve definitely felt their wrath. They have no logo, no headquarters, no catchy jingle. You're inducted to their insidious cabal with no pomp or ceremony.
 
They operate in the shadows. From the aging McDonald's in rural Arkansas to the chaotic bazaars of Cairo, and even the sleek bodegas tucked beneath Manhattan’s skyscrapers—there is no escape.
 
They are everywhere: fast food workers, furniture salespeople, retail clerks, receptionists. Their reach is vast. Their mission? Mild inconvenience. Their name? The International League of Jerks (T.I.L.o.J.)
 
Ever ordered a 20-piece McNugget meal and received 19 nuggets or zero / wrong sauce? T.I.L.o.J. strikes again.
Bought a cute Ikea bed only to discover the instructions were written in ancient Sumerian and you're missing one crucial bolt? Classic T.I.L.o.J. move.
 
Waiting at the doctor’s office 45 minutes past your appointment time? T.I.L.o.J. is watching.
 
Need help unlocking a Walmart display case? Good luck. T.I.L.o.J. has ensured the only employee with the key is on break... in another dimension.
 
Historians believe this cabal dates back to ancient Rome, when a thrifty sandal-maker named Augustus Florian sold DIY sandal kits to soldiers—always missing a strap or buckle. Why? To save a few denarii. That petty act of frugality snowballed into a global empire of minor annoyances.
 
So next time you’re one Allen wrench short of a complete life, just know: you’ve been touched by the League. And they’re just getting started.  You heard it here folks, I'm risking getting annoyed telling you this.  Remember me!

[Vulture]

They struck again today while I was using the ATM. I inserted my card, entered my PIN, and then, all of a sudden, the screen froze. Solid two minutes of nothing. Just silence and suspense.
 
Then, like it was mocking me, the machine had the audacity to ask if I needed more time, like if I was have a breakdown and not the ATM. Seconds later, it started beeping menacingly, demanding I take my card immediately. Which I did.
 
Cautiously, I tried again. (Fool me once, all that.) And of course, of course fit worked perfectly fine the second time around. That’s just the modus operandi for the T.I.L.o.J.
 
I walked away slightly miffled. They can't keep getting away with it.

[DBCowboy]

I fart in elevators.

ILoJ Member since 1974

[BeTheGoddess]

I fart in elevators.

ILoJ Member since 1974

Get a pair of old shoes, a packet of mince and some dry ice. I think you know what to do.

[chr0naut]

Get a pair of old shoes, a packet of mince and some dry ice. I think you know what to do.

Explosive decompression?

[David64]

You should not have revealed us.

I am ILoJ Director of Operations for the Western Hemisphere.

We have installed a device on your vehicle that will turn all stoplights red as soon as you approach....but only when you have diarrhea.

[BeTheGoddess]

You should not have revealed us.

I am ILoJ Director of Operations for the Western Hemisphere.

We have installed a device on your vehicle that will turn all stoplights red as soon as you approach....but only when you have diarrhea.

Thats only a problem in school  zones. So Ive heard.

[Vulture]

I fart in elevators.

ILoJ Member since 1974

You sick, SICK puppy! No wonder the hospital elevator yesterday smelled like rotten eggs!     The one day I don't have my gas mask on me!
 

You should not have revealed us.

I am ILoJ Director of Operations for the Western Hemisphere.

We have installed a device on your vehicle that will turn all stoplights red as soon as you approach....but only when you have diarrhea.

I see, that explains my bad luck recently.  EVERY DARN STOPLIGHT!  I knew it wasn't just happenstance! I had to wear an adult diaper all day yesterday! I'm tearing out my seats and dashboard as we speak.  Then I'll start with the catalyc converter, soon my entire car will be in pieces and I'll have found your nefarious device to add to my collection of evidence against the ILoJ!  

*Update*
I found your device! > Link I've smashed it to pieces and am putting my car back together.

*Update 2*
My car won't start.  And I have diaper rash. 

[DBCowboy]

You sick, SICK puppy! No wonder the hospital elevator yesterday smelled like rotten eggs!     The one day I don't have my gas mask on me!
 

I see, that explains my bad luck recently.  EVERY DARN STOPLIGHT!  I knew it wasn't just happenstance! I had to wear an adult diaper all day yesterday! I'm tearing out my seats and dashboard as we speak.  Then I'll start with the catalyc converter, soon my entire car will be in pieces and I'll have found your nefarious device to add to my collection of evidence against the ILoJ!  

*Update*
I found your device! > Link I've smashed it to pieces and am putting my car back together.

*Update 2*
My car won't start.  And I have diaper rash. 

​​​​​​​ ​​​​​​​ ​​​​​​​ ​​​​​​​

[BeTheGoddess]

...
*Update 2*
My car won't start.  And I have diaper rash. 

Is your diaper rash in metric or imperial(AF), and does your insurance cover internal flooding damage?.

This it the best reason to just steal your neighbours car