I Would've Made A Good Father

[BeTheGoddess]

.

yep thsst

[Quantum12]

I should not be doing this and may delete this not long after posting:

Treat smart women like they're pretty, and treat pretty women like they're smart.

You'll say "what about both?", it’s about how they see themselves.

I agree. 

I can add! The women is always right. Even if she is wrong she is right. This will save a lot of problems. 

So be the best dad and treat your partner like a Queen!

Did you just edit lol

[Maxmars]

About being a father....

Let's say that fate brings you a child... which doesn't have to be biologically yours...

If you can feel love... you're on your way to fatherhood.

But if a life has been presented to by someone you love...
the door of fatherhood has been opened...

As with everyone, you may 'go through' or simply wait until that life comes to you.
You may allow your heart to be fueled by it, 
Or you may run from the massive impact of a new person... whose arrival you arranged, or not.

Further...

Fatherhood is the opposite of  an "alone" thing, same as motherhood is.

And the new human is the definition of 'unpredictable.'  He or she may have their own difficulties in
this new life...  they may hit, steal, bully...  thy might lie, hurt, and be cruel...
The child is neither you, nor it's mother...

Teach it respect by showing you pay attention, teach with patience, the father learns that the child is a person... distinct, separate... and in no way compelled on its own to 'fit' in society.

And yet the father (and mother) can only do so much for a person breaking free of parental oversight... getting rid of the protectors who are still learning that your mistakes are not theirs.

I say this judging a good father or mother cannot be any less unfair than judging a child as if it were an adult.

Childhood is not the only thing a child has to overcome... sometimes I could be a bad child.  A child who made things more difficult than they had to be... children make experiments of their parents every day... it's part of learning the social dance... firming up what all of us are together... related or not.

I'm just offering up some thoughts on the topic of being a good father...

[Steamer]

Howdy, Alroyfarms,

Sure read and well understood just what you explained. Oh please do not me wrong, I -and I smile when I say such, - For I have been married 60 years, . Wife and I have 4 Children , 7 Grand children, 1 great Grand daughter.  Heading for the oncoming 80 year old ‘birthday’, . 
         Childhood days were during the 50s, everything seemed Hard and unwanted, but as a Family we pushed through such. Mums Mother passed away when Mum was age 12, something Mum never got past. Such, Mums Dad ( my G’dad), was lumbered with WW1.

    G’dad lost several brothers during WW1, never remarried when Nan passed away.  WW2, relatives killed by London being bombed, late uncle JOHN was killed on D-day, and buried in military grave at Le Havre, in France. 
       Aged 15 Mums other brother signed up - lied saying he was older - , joined Army, sent off to fight in N.Africa.   Hope this ain’t boring, but I do know how ROUGH RIDE growing up was. I was 15 went with cousin on long motor bike ride, I was pillion passenger and eventual accident broke my Femur, dislocated hip etc. 
        I became 17 in time and as I woke I experienced convulsions. Hospitalised again where AVM plus ANEURYSMS were detected.   SO WHAT ? When they Mentioned epilepsy, I saw it like a challenge. Instead of freaking out and searching for HELP, I first worked alongside a series of SURGEONS, nurses, students etc. as Operating theatre technician. When I - by the way- was 10 years old, I was taken with a group of youngsters to a zoo. Saw a fellow 10 year old friend killed by LIONS. 
      Later in life, our 17 year old Soh JOHN came home crying, I cuddled him to find out why.  His friend - nearly 16 - had DIED from a Brain Tumour they could not operate on.

 About 3 months later our 17 year old Beloved son plus his friends brother went off to book a Holiday, sub diving, that may help them come to terms with the previous loss of young friend.  Our Son and his friends brother went eventually waited at bus stop to come home.  Group of teenage twats came out of nearby pub, walked down to bus stop and their said ‘Leader’, age 21, STABBED OUR SONS FRIEND AND WOUDED HIM, STABBED AND MURDERED OUR BELOVED SON.    POLICE EVENTUALLY TOLD WIFE &I , HOW THIS 21 YEAR OLD MURDERER HAD 32 PREVIOUS CONVICTIONS.  HOW HIS SO CALLED FATHER HELPED ‘TRAIN ROBBER, RONALD BIGGS’, ESCAPE FROM PRISON.

   I AM SMILING EVEN THOUGH I HAVE BEEN BED RIDDEN SINCE LAST OCTOBER.  I FELL DOWN AND BROKE FIBULA, X-RAY SHOWED A BONE TUMOUR AND SURGEONS SAY , ‘ BONE TUMOUR IS BENIGN, WHITE BLOOD CELLS ARE IN EXCESS, AND THEY WOULD RATHER OBSERVE SAID BONE TUMOUR, BECAUSE OPERATION COULD INTERFERE WHITE CELL WISE AND SPARK OFF CANCER.

SO GET on that bike of yours, cheer up and see if if you are young and confident enough to find perhaps a Female who feels similar to you.  Wish you all the best for all oncoming time.

[AlroyFarms]

I agree. 

I can add! The women is always right. Even if she is wrong she is right. This will save a lot of problems. 

So be the best dad and treat your partner like a Queen!

Did you just edit lol

I think BeTheGoddess's quote is fantastic. Wish they wouldn't have deleted it. 

I treat everyone with respect and majesty, until they give me ample reason not to! Kings and Queens. Namaste, I see the divinity in you! 

There is a freaking limit though. Not everyone can be reasoned with. Not everyone wants reason and harmony. Some people live for drama and chaos and will totally use each other as expendible objects. 

It goes both ways of course. This isn't exactly meant to be a sexist battle. Just pointing out there are many people who won't extend the same treatment to you that you give to them. 

That's when I say cut your losses and move onward.

[AlroyFarms]

@Steamer

Not boring at all! I wish more people were willing to be open and share real details. After reading your post, I do have to remind myself not to play the comparison game. It's a game I can never win. All my milestones are utter crap compared to everyone else. 

And I can't compare my emotional pain to someone else's. I only try to empathize and seek mutual healing. 

Isn't it fair to say a lot of us are hurting on some level and instinctively feel that healing begins with not shouldering it all alone?

God bless, Steamer. Carry on with a strong heart.

[David64]

 All my milestones are utter crap compared to everyone else. 

I learned decades ago - Stop comparing yourself to everyone else. As long as it's a milestone for you, don't worry about other people.

It's not too late to have kids. I'm 60 now but my last child was born when I was 36. Having a 24 year old will keep you in the game. I get a bird's eye view of younger people and what their concerns are as far as job, economy, dating, etc.....

[AlroyFarms]

I learned decades ago - Stop comparing yourself to everyone else. As long as it's a milestone for you, don't worry about other people.

It's not too late to have kids. I'm 60 now but my last child was born when I was 36. Having a 24 year old will keep you in the game. I get a bird's eye view of younger people and what their concerns are as far as job, economy, dating, etc.....

So true, David64, so true. Comparison really is the devil. 

I grew up in a Hispanic family where men are expected to achieve certain things by certain ages, have big famillies etc. 

I failed. Even up to my grandmother's death she was constantly asking me when I'm going to get married, have kids, own a home..

I was the only one in my family who failed...

I was also the only one with a single-parent household between two toxic alcoholic parents. 

I was also the only one in a couple generations to put myself through college, get some of my writing published, see a bit of the good old USA, etc. etc. 

There is a tradeoff sometimes, perhaps.

For context, I am 36 now and feel OLD. Not in body, just that I need to start accepting I am a dud.

It's not Grandma's voice haunting me that I failed. It's my own feeling like I wish I had gotten to experience the life of a Father. I am quite literally the end of the line (my older bro is a douchebag and isn't even allowed to see his one kid anymore.)

Something so simple, so natural, and taken so much for granted. Yet my father didn't want it, and now I can't have it either.

[David64]

I grew up in a Hispanic family where men are expected to achieve certain things by certain ages, have big famillies etc. 

I failed. 

I'm gonna hit ya with an oldy but goody -

If everyone else jumped off a cliff would you follow them ?


You didn't fail, you walked your own path.

[AlroyFarms]

@David64

I think of it more like... I was forced off the beaten path that I wanted,

But still tried to make the best of it anyways. 

Life made a trailblazer out of me. I keep trying to go forward. Even if no one wants to follow.