I Would've Made A Good Father

[IdeomotorPrisoner]

The only relationships that work in our day and age, are old fashioned ones. Feminism absolutely destroyed cohesive relationships. It's not possible to have a positive relationship if individuals won't accept their roles, and do that crazy thing called 'contribute' or 'reciprocate'.

Lol.

But it's harder to find a June Cleaver to chain to a kitchen and dose with benzodiazapines in today's world. You're much more likely to find a Maude nowadays.

And what's wrong with Maude? Walter seemed very happy with his slightly submissive role as her husband.

Which version of women has gained more relevance since gender equality became a point of societal focus.

The traditional roles started dying when seventy cents on the dollar became a testament to second class valuation and the "patriarch" status quo. Self-medication and bottling up all opinion was revealed to cause distress.

And of course, the normalization and social acceptance of "alternative" relationships (which have much higher intimacy satisfaction rates) plays a growing role in it all too. 

Plus, men who have that, "i am the man and you must know my role as dominant provider" types tend to be the reason there are so many alternative relationships... Mostly for being trapped in time warp of when life expectancy was still in the 50s.

[KKLoco]

Nice try IP. I was actually hoping you'd pop in.

'Old fashioned' only means 50/50 -- pure and simple.

However those responsibilities are divided up, means absolutely nothing.

The only thing that matters is 50/50 reciprocation.

Please try and twist these words....

[IdeomotorPrisoner]

Nice try IP. I was actually hoping you'd pop in.

'Old fashioned' only means 50/50 -- pure and simple.

However those responsibilities are divided up, means absolutely nothing.

The only thing that matters is 50/50 reciprocation.

Please try and twist these words....

My apologies for the generalizing then...

But the vocabulary "Old School" conjures up images of the Pre-Title IX era. Like pre 70s. 

The image of the 60s mother in Blast From The Past that silently goes insane while getting bombed on cooking sherry and Quaaludes. That's what "old school" conjures up.

Like my Grandmother's generation taught my Mom's generation in the ways of Emily Post still. Like we are all still in debutant training, going to cotillion, and learning to be gracious in keeping our mouth shut to our husbands, whose job it was to lead. Just like in dancing.

Then my Mom's generation (Late 60s, early 70s) massively rebelled against that.  And thats why I noticed things like 50s and 60s TV gender roles. My 60s feminist mother (and Walter-like father) spent my childhood pointing out the gender inequalities and instilling those 2nd Wave values. 

So, to me, and because what imprinted on me, I still view the "old school" as heteronormative, or identifying in terms of male/female relationships. In term of male-dominated relationships. Where 50/50 means we divide up roles along the lines of...

Men = protect, provide, and discipline
Women = cook, clean, and comfort.

Thats not 50/50, that's something else entirely.

Weirdly enough, I started young and applied temperance in college and then thereafter. 

While the girls that spent 2½ hours to do their hair and makeup to get ready for an 8 AM class bugged me, it was mostly because I felt "they were doing it for male attention" or were "only in school to be sorority debutants"  And thus defining themselves always in terms of how attractive to men they were.

I eventually realized it can be for yourself, and it doesnt necessarily imply they are brainwashed by patriarchal beauty standards to wear makeup and crimp their hair at 7 AM. 

So... be glad, over 40 me isn't under 20 me. Under 20 me would be too annoying and somewhat contradictory with everything.

The feminists who ultimately tempered my opinions, are the ones that prefer their roles in penis-dominated culture. In all my idealistic empowerment I never considered the option to turn into a siren that instead uses male libido and exploits it for my own selfish gain. 

It was like 13 years ago, and I was on some feminism board, and a girl (really pissing everyone off) told me something like,

"If you've ever broke down and cried to get out of a speeding ticket, and succeeded, you should stop bitching about male-dominated culture. Because that's why it worked."

She was called "self-hating" or insinuated to be a "man-identified woman," but she changed my view into one slightly less misandristic. 

Plus, you kinda fall into a mental trap where you do everything in spite of, but are still equally as controlled by status quo.

And it's honestly MORE gratifying to play the selfish witch and just use what you can to tilt the field for yourself. Way more than staying a victim of unfair institution and spinning your wheels in dirt.

[ReturnofBroccoli]

I’m talking about being a man, a male father, pater, sire, whatever. I’m not talking about being a birthing person participant or whatever they call it now.

Let me also preface this by saying that I’ve been made fun of by partners many times for having ‘parental issues’ e.g. daddy issues/ mommy issues.  So if you want to call me a loser incel, basically get in line.

To whatever extent that may be true, I have always tried to overcome my depression and grudges in my own way. And to make fun of someone for their traumas, losses, regrets, challenges is just plain not cool, and it’s not something I ever do. I work very hard to listen to my partners and understand them, and not resort to mockery.

Mockery is just a last-ditch effort at emotional self-defense. Certainly I’m not perfect either, but I will step into the batter’s box when I’m called up.

So what am I getting at?

Well, the importance of the nuclear family unit and how it helps shape future relationships.

At first glance just look at how much crime and poverty, lack of education and upward movement is correlated to the single-parent household.

I’m not even saying you have to go the traditional Christian family values route (though it has been developed as a tried-and-true method I wouldn’t mind subscribing to.) Do we want to get into cultures that sold daughters as child brides to have fewer mouths to feed? Neither do I.

I get there can be 2 moms and 2 dads and I’ve recently heard the term ‘thrupple’ (God, no thanks.)

Things can be good in different ways. There isn’t only one solution. But what solution is already pretty reliable and effective? The nuclear family unit: man, woman, children.

I mean there is a reason most of humanity has been doing it this way for thousands and thousands of years. It’s nature, and it works. I’m sure I don’t need to cite the Utopian Mouse Experiments to show a model of basic mammalian social structure and downfall (population density is the culprit,) or as I said just start looking into statistics of the single-parent household.

Now why am I so screwed up myself? Well I had the most absent deadbeat dad you can imagine, who did some pretty despicable shit to his family. Alcoholic. And so was my mother, alcoholic.

They were both entirely absent for much of what I can remember. I have no memories of being told it’s my bedtime, or is my homework done? Just a lot of memories of being behind locked doors and passed around from household to household. Never being heard or seen.

In short my parents didn’t want to, or were incapable of dealing with me as a child. They just blame each other whenever I have tried talking about it. F that. No one makes a parent stop being a parent.

I grew up with a weird sense of overconfidence and extreme self-doubt. Confidence in my abilities and intelligence, but self-doubt that I have no value and don't matter to anybody.

Relationships are based on a lot of feedback cues and adjustments (I think.)

So here I am, no marriage, no children, and no relationships to speak of other than tangling with toxic weirdos from time to time. And I’d like to emphasize most women I’ve ever known have some ‘daddy issues’ as well.

I feel it’s getting too late to try, and I’m just caring less and less about the future. I’m getting old.

At my age, anyone good is already taken, anyone not taken is broken too, or else requires more meth than I can realistically deal!

Anyways I recently bought myself a mountain bike. I think that triggered some weird kind of memory thorn.

I never had a dad teach me how to pedal. Never had a dad teach me how to change my oil or redo my fences. Toss the old ball around. Never had a parent teach me how to deal with life when it’s tough or unfair. Ain’t no sage wisdom being passed down to me!

And now I feel like I would’ve been great at that stuff! All that I had to learn on my own, trial and error, setting goals, finding success, and dealing with defeat.

This is all important stuff. And it needs to come from both sides of the river, the male and the female, the mom and the dad. 

I love the recent trends of women saying men are useless, society doesn't need them; and even on a personal level men are not needed. Uh huh. At least I'm not that freaking far gone. 

I saw something recently in the grocery that kinda made me smile, gave me a little hope. A woman was asking a younger daughter maybe like 8 years "So this is 2 for $X.xx and this one is this price. But this other brand is on sale too. So which is the cheapest deal?"

Just imagine a parent investing in their kids' future and development. What is more beautiful than that?

I often imagine the life I could’ve had if only someone ever taught me I do have some value. Because now I see I have walked through life assuming everybody hates me and found no evidence to the contrary. I didn't even know how to cultivate anything else. Learning to love yourself in a vacuum is the final boss of psychology.

I wish like hell I could’ve passed something on to someone else for their happiness, brightness, and success. I wish I could've helped spare someone from the bullshit fucked up life I had to live. But here I am a perpetual loser in society, an outcast, an untouchable pariah.

But I dunno, from my perspective society doesn’t look so precious sometimes either. Once the AI sex dolls are perfected all bets are off!

For now, at least the cat is comfortable and well fed.

Only you can break the cycle. Its never too late to build self esteem. You need to get out of your head and stop focusing on things you cant change. Only focus on things you can. Its time to stop kicking your own ass. Focus forward. Go. Recognize the signs that trigger you to get lost like this so you can defend against them. You know what they are. Redirect your thoughts.

[ReturnofBroccoli]

I agree. 

I can add! The women is always right. Even if she is wrong she is right. This will save a lot of problems. 

So be the best dad and treat your partner like a Queen!

Did you just edit lol

Blindly following people who are wrong and telling them they are right hurts them and you. The real trick is only fighting the battles that are important. You dont have to fight and win every battle to win a war. You cant just let someone dominate you though that leads to abuse.

[ReturnofBroccoli]

Alroy, have you ever considered being a foster parent?

[KTemplar]

You just made a contribution in this post, it may help someone who needed to hear this.

There are so many people out there who have suffered in childhood it is horrifying how common it is now.

Im sorry you went through this, just because your parents were too selfish to care for you or even show up doesn’t mean you are not worthy of being loved.  

It really takes a jungle nowadays, helping anyone you can in anyway you can is so important.