The Art of Asking: Why do We Minimize the Help We Need?

[eriathwen]

I enjoyed this thread Eriathwen! I've been thinking off and on about honesty since your reply to me. Then you got a bit miffed and left! Your last few sentences sort of sum it up. It does take 'guts', not only to drop the mask but to say what must be said in difficult situations. Being honest with oneself might be even more difficult. I can't say. We project so much.

If we are kind we sometimes have to dance around the truth, soften it somehow without lying. It can be easy to hurt someone without thinking.

On a lighter note! Just before Christmas i picked up my grandson from school, he's in the car, looks at me with his large glasses and discerning eyes and says "grandad some of my classmates are saying Santa isn't real, what do you think?" Little things like that make me laugh because I have to be honest lol.
When his mum came home and I told her what he'd said I saw that little flash of fear as she said "what did you say?" That made me laugh too!

Thank you, I appreciate it. And yes, honesty requires courage and a little Rascal energy ;) And I have always been very helpful, have had a hard time saying no regardless of whether I have understood people's willingness to rather ask for help, and choose to blame others instead of taking responsibility for their own choices and actions. And this does not lead to anything good in the end, that is why we need to think, and reflect on what we are actually doing. Most people are not looking to exploit others, but we get it with our mother's milk.. It has become a bad habit, which has created big problems in the world we live in. And I have to laugh when I imagine the mask on mother regarding the Santa Claus story :) hehe 


PS: this is not AI "generated"... This time I used google translate, and sometimes I just type with all my flaws (messy) and typo mistakes ;) hehe, not directly ment for you... but hehehe

[Sirius]

This Is the same (my responce) with the AI help ;) just to prove my point : “You can’t follow my points, but AI can. My thoughts and replies are mine—I just get flow help to reach you. Dyslexia’s a challenge, but it won’t stop me from nudging change to the problems I see. ;)”

All is good. Glad the AI is helping.
 :beer:

[Anna]

...
I nudged them: “Why not drive two cars? Park one before the border—vaccines and deworming let the dog stay put while you shop.” Her reply? “Is it that far?”—as if she’d never checked. She got grumpy when I got my point across, but that’s the tell. We minimize to avoid burden, fear rejection, or shift the load. It’s not just them—society does it too, from weather hype to silenced questions.
Why? Maybe it’s habit, baked by a world where vulnerability’s a weakness. Their lie stressed my dog, kept my cat out—honesty would’ve spared us. I’ve dodged too, slipped into “it’s fine” when it wasn’t. But if we can’t face small truths, how do big ones stand? I believe in people—cracks show. A neighbor shared potatoes once; roots grew strong.

So, I paint with my pup, helmet on, nudging where I can. Next time, I’ll ask straight: “All day or not?” Trust the answer. It’s hard—takes guts to drop the mask. But a small hill, like this talk, can overturn their load. Will you nudge too?


Moral: Masking truth breeds mess—stand, ask, and watch it bloom.

I really admire the ease with which you've managed to turn simple human shenanigans into the big philosophical questions. Does one have to major in philosophy to change a lightbulb? The same goes for navigating everyday human relationships.

One day, my neighbor's daughter asked me to translate 20 pages of academic sociology text offering very little payment. She lied that it was for her while it couldn't be for her because she didn't study sociology. Anyway, it was the hard labour for free almost. I said "no way". She even sent her mother to ask. To no avail. But I'm not entirely selfish. My uncle asked me to translate some instructions for him (much shorter and easier) and I did for him. He did me a favor a few times so I owed something to him.

But even if I owe something to someone, they have no right to lie to me or try to exploit me. I approach my colleagues and friends in the same way. If they help me, then I help them. I take care to stay loyal to the people I can count on, those who treat me in a fair way. If someone is into parasitic relationships, taking but not giving, they can f*ck off.

[Sirius]

Where did you learn do dodge like that, same crap, new skin ;) 

I don't doge, I dance.

Here is a riddle just for you.

[eriathwen]

I don't doge, I dance.

Here is a riddle just for you.
[Image: https://i.imgur.com/zKdOiXF.jpeg]

I would rater say that "riddle" of yours are exactly what I've been pointing out, lack of willingness to engage, more willing to disrupt with shallow boogie woogi to try to come across as sharp and insightful, when you in reality lack all of what you are trying to paint or "dance" a picture of who you are... instead of showing your insecurity and try to reach for some depth and understanding, you find amusement in trying to fill a good thread with annoyances ;) But whatever, you can disrupt as much as you like, but this will be my last response to crap like this, just so you know ;) But if you engage with some valid points or insights I'll take you up on that :)

[eriathwen]

I really admire the ease with which you've managed to turn simple human shenanigans into the big philosophical questions. Does one have to major in philosophy to change a lightbulb? The same goes for navigating everyday human relationships.

One day, my neighbor's daughter asked me to translate 20 pages of academic sociology text offering very little payment. She lied that it was for her while it couldn't be for her because she didn't study sociology. Anyway, it was the hard labour for free almost. I said "no way". She even sent her mother to ask. To no avail. But I'm not entirely selfish. My uncle asked me to translate some instructions for him (much shorter and easier) and I did for him. He did me a favor a few times so I owed something to him.

But even if I owe something to someone, they have no right to lie to me or try to exploit me. I approach my colleagues and friends in the same way. If they help me, then I help them. I take care to stay loyal to the people I can count on, those who treat me in a fair way. If someone is into parasitic relationships, taking but not giving, they can f*ck off.

Thanks! No PhD needed—I didn’t finish high school. ;) Observations, reflections, honesty, and courage fix it. Too many exploit—burned me out trying to help. They suck energy, not change.... Observations and reflections and honesty are the solution, as well as the will and courage to do something about it. Unfortunately, there are far too many people who are willing to exploit others for their own gain. Something I have experienced far too many times in my life. The only thing I achieved from it was to burn myself out. I have tried many different methods of helping, such as teaching them what I know so that they can help themselves, but most of the time to no avail. They would rather suck energy than change their own ;) hehe

[Sirius]

I would rater say that "riddle" of yours are exactly what I've been pointing out, lack of willingness to engage, more willing to disrupt with shallow boogie woogi to try to come across as sharp and insightful, when you in reality lack all of what you are trying to paint or "dance" a picture of who you are... instead of showing your insecurity and try to reach for some depth and understanding, you find amusement in trying to fill a good thread with annoyances ;) But whatever, you can disrupt as much as you like, but this will be my last response to crap like this, just so you know ;) But if you engage with some valid points or insights I'll take you up on that :)

A little nasty dog spitting snakes, how amusing.

Here is another clue, if you follow it maybe it will help you fix your tongue.
https://denyignorance.com/Thread-1970

[Encia22]

Mod note -- Please remember to go after the ball, not the player.



Any more bickering and personal attacks will result in harsher action.

Do not respond to this post. Thanks

[Maxmars]

I announced my adjourning from this thread, where my input was not welcome...



But I do have to advise as a moderator, that opting to focus on a conversing member, and comment
on them is never a good idea, especially since it leads to off-topic observations and comments.

Please speak of the eriathwen's intended topic, not the author.
Just as authors should explain, not chastise misunderstandings.
Please respect any attempts at dialogue.

(It is no lie; people choose to answer as their own self-image and intent allows...
If you demand people answer "your way" it's more like a 'test'...
which many people won't participate in unless they know what's being tested.)

Reminder to all:  Speak of the topic - please refrain from speaking about members.


Edit to add.... Oops, I see that I'm not the only one who sensed the misdirection in the thread.

Listen to Encia22's reminder above...
It's important.

[eriathwen]

I announced my adjourning from this thread, where my input was not welcome...



But I do have to advise as a moderator, that opting to focus on a conversing member, and comment
on them is never a good idea, especially since it leads to off-topic observations and comments.

Please speak of the eriathwen's intended topic, not the author.
Just as authors should explain, not chastise misunderstandings.
Please respect any attempts at dialogue.

(It is no lie; people choose to answer as their own self-image and intent allows...
If you demand people answer "your way" it's more like a 'test'...
which many people won't participate in unless they know what's being tested.)

Reminder to all:  Speak of the topic - please refrain from speaking about members.


Edit to add.... Oops, I see that I'm not the only one who sensed the misdirection in the thread.

Listen to Encia22's reminder above...
It's important.

Well I understand the point, but I already said you could lock-It up, and It's my bad that I caved on my own stance that I'would not engage with this thread anymore... But since almost all of the replyers was so chaught up on the dog/neighbour thing, I thaught It was a good Idea to do a follow-up on just that... and It turned out that It had some good engagement after that, wich did not doge my point of this thread! If one is not allowed to try to nodge people to engage in a more useful way, well then DI is not for me I don't need to be here on this forum, I'm trying to add something with depth, to solve some though issues, not play in the sandbox, I'm done with that. This is not my forum, and not my rules so this is not my decision to make It's yours, and I'll obey If you want me to, and I'll gladly find another space who can handle a rascal like me!