I refuse to let go of my grief

[LightAngel]

Please forgive me, I didn't mean to say that such things are not real, or don't happen... I have absolutely no reason to doubt it...

It's more about how I feel that I am so consumed by my grief for her, that I might 'convince' myself of it happening, rather than actually experiencing it.

My wife and I spent many hours sitting on a small second floor patio, watching clouds, and birds, and the landscape during the day... and the stars at night... a habit we cultivated and kept even after quitting smoking.  We would talk... or rather I would babble and she would listen patiently... we would laugh, or just ponder the world and all it's minutiae... our conversations were often interrupted by an observation like "Look! There's a hawk!" or a fox, or bunnies... you know, nature...

After she died, whenever I stand out there and see a cardinal, or a new splash of flowers, I feel like she's seeing it with me... it's not a striking jolt of a thing, just a feeling... so I recall it as 'missing her.'  But just last week, I was thinking about her saying something to me, and I sat down to the computer and clicked on one of those "short" video things, quite random... and the very words I was thinking about were repeated... it shattered my composure, and I cried...

I'm not sure if that's the same thing... but it was what was in my mind when I mentioned the part about not being sure if it was me, or her... I know how I took it, I know how I felt, but maybe it was only synchronicity... and grief.

Thanks for responding, I wouldn't want to leave you with the idea that I don't think such things really happen.

Oh I didn't take it that way, but thank you for explaining it.

I just edited my post, but you replied before reading it.

I feel I have so much to share here, maybe I will do that later when I have more time.