I refuse to let go of my grief

[Maxmars]

I understand where you are coming from, but I have had many experiences that couldn't be explained as just my imagination. 

For example, my mother and I were sitting in the living room talking about a loved one who died, and sudden the whole living room were smelling of the perfume she always wore, the smell was so strong that we both looking at each other in a chocking way.

We both knew instantly that it was a sign from her.

Please forgive me, I didn't mean to say that such things are not real, or don't happen... I have absolutely no reason to doubt it...

It's more about how I feel that I am so consumed by my grief for her, that I might 'convince' myself of it happening, rather than actually experiencing it.

My wife and I spent many hours sitting on a small second floor patio, watching clouds, and birds, and the landscape during the day... and the stars at night... a habit we cultivated and kept even after quitting smoking.  We would talk... or rather I would babble and she would listen patiently... we would laugh, or just ponder the world and all it's minutiae... our conversations were often interrupted by an observation like "Look! There's a hawk!" or a fox, or bunnies... you know, nature...

After she died, whenever I stand out there and see a cardinal, or a new splash of flowers, I feel like she's seeing it with me... it's not a striking jolt of a thing, just a feeling... so I recall it as 'missing her.'  But just last week, I was thinking about her saying something to me, and I sat down to the computer and clicked on one of those "short" video things, quite random... and the very words I was thinking about were repeated... it shattered my composure, and I cried...

I'm not sure if that's the same thing... but it was what was in my mind when I mentioned the part about not being sure if it was me, or her... I know how I took it, I know how I felt, but maybe it was only synchronicity... and grief.

Thanks for responding, I wouldn't want to leave you with the idea that I don't think such things really happen.