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Good habits: Holding hands (especially with a loved one) - Maxmars - 02-16-2024
If you want to help someone in distress, offer affirmation of your bond, enhance your connection to them, or even just show good will... touch them. You will likely both benefit from the contact.
I came across an excellent article published in the Washington Post, which had particular meaning to me (but I'll get to that later.) The article was in the "Advice" category, authored by Trisha Pasricha, MD entitled:
The remarkable power of holding hands with someone you love
[excerpts]
Studies show that holding hands can reduce pain and buffer stressful experiences. But its impact on brain activity suggests something more profound is going on.
Holding hands exerts striking effects on our emotional state, especially when it’s with a romantic partner: It can help lower blood pressure, reduce pain and buffer stressful experiences.
...
But the research also suggests something far more profound about our need for connection.
“If you really understand hand-holding — what it is and how it has its effects — you begin to understand just about every single facet of what it is to be a human being,” said James Coan, a clinical psychologist and director of the Virginia Affective Neuroscience Laboratory at the University of Virginia. “It expresses all the things that we are for each other.”
...
According to Coan, the findings suggest that holding hands actually helps the brain offload the work of confronting stress. So when you reach out to hold a loved one’s hand in a difficult time, it’s like you’re sharing the burden with them.
...
Coan hypothesized that holding the hand of someone close to them would cause an increase in activity in the prefrontal cortex as the participant relaxed and felt more secure. With more activity in the prefrontal cortex, he thought, less emotional activity — like those involved in fear or anxiety — would occur elsewhere in the brain.
But that’s not what happened.
When couples held hands, Coan did observe a decrease in all the emotional regions of the brain as he had expected. However, in experiment after experiment, there was no associated increase in prefrontal cortex activity — instead, there was a decrease.
What was going on?
At first, Coan couldn’t account for what part of the brain was responsible for the participants’ stress relief when they held hands. It was as if people were getting snacks out of the vending machine without paying any money.
Finally, he arrived at a new conclusion: What if he had gotten the baseline and experimental states backward? Maybe the brain didn’t perceive holding hands as something new he was adding to a baseline of being alone. What if our neuropsychological baseline was feeling connected to someone? Perhaps feeling alone was the deviation all along — one that would require the metabolically expensive activation of our prefrontal cortex to cope.
“To the human brain, the world presents a series of problems to solve,” Coan said. “And it turns out being alone is a problem.”
He called this phenomenon social baseline theory: It’s the idea that the human brain expects access to relationships and interdependence because without them, the world’s problems are mammoth and we need to expend so much more physiological and psychological effort. But when we know we’re not alone — as is conveyed through holding hands — it’s as if we can access snacks freely with no vending machine at all.
...
Don’t be afraid to offer a hand to someone who is struggling — we’re clearly wired for it.
Perhaps I am being presumptuous when I state that this all seems naturally logical to me. But sometimes life kind of 'highlights' little things for you to observe... in my case, my recent loss. When my wife recently passed there were many things that were made clear to me through the ol' "things I've taken for granted" angle of introspection. I loved holding her hand. I miss holding hands with my wife. I loved waking up to find that as we slept, we held hands. Dang it ... (now you know the reason I put off this little portion of the thread until the end.)
Enough of that!
I found in my research that many different research papers have been written on the effects of touch, the various cultural taboos proscribing contact, and even the results of "touch starvation." It's quite the subject... but ultimately, I would strongly suggest holding hands with your loved ones (where appropriate and welcomed.)
RE: Good habits: Holding hands (especially with a loved one) - Nugget - 02-18-2024
Jesus said something like 'where two or more are gathered together in my name, there am I also'. I've noticed when like-minded groups join together for a specific purpose, the energy is palpable and it doesn't matter if it's a prayer group, New Age group or any other group joing forces for a specific intent.
Uniting forces seems to magnify energy, plus yet get those 'feel good' endorpins flowing.
P.S. I'm so soory for the loss of your wife.
RE: Good habits: Holding hands (especially with a loved one) - Nerb - 02-19-2024
What great concepts, ideas and research. I wasn't sure what to expect but couldn't stop reading, thanks.
As someone who now lives a quiet life as an introvert and as a self-healing sigma male I have felt both sides of affection and contact in my life from extreme to none. It affords a good perspective to understand how the flows of energy can work, especially between two individuals or in a group.
Holding hands is just one touch method and very different when it comes to men beyond a handshake, and I think it would create a nervousness if it were to happen in the traditional sense. A hand on a shoulder would have a better effect perhaps, although it would probably not be skin on skin. A "biker" handshake may be the nearest thing as it's length can have meaning.
The flow of electrons between people works obviously with the positives and the negatives we all feel and it sometimes far easier for an individual to absorb the negatives of another who is needing to relieve themselves and share them if they have a source of contact because the individuals thoughts and feelings are not also transferred with a touch, however, the extreme to this situation is when a person also wants another to absorb the feelings and negative thoughts, wave a metaphorical magic wand to "make it all go away" and any flow is blocked by a demanding nature (Karens & Kevins) and could also be accentuated by frustration and projected disappointment.
I suppose this goes back to the concept of forming a complete circle between two individuals who can ground out those negative waves/electrons/feelings. The evolution to that is the linking of two complete individual circles, that's special, as they fuel eachother with little demand or compensation needed from the other.
We can accumulate a huge amount of power in ourselves, and we still have a long way to go if we are ever to solve the problems of not being able to control it properly or not being able to ground the negatives and spin up the positives. All part of the human condition.
Cats help, dogs too. The contact works in a similar way I suppose, the grounding of a negative human feeling without needing to express it for a positive one recieved just by a single touch.
RE: Good habits: Holding hands (especially with a loved one) - Maxmars - 02-20-2024
I'm happy you appreciated this thread.
Clearly there is some form of communicative energy that flows between people via physical contact. It appears not to matter if a person's character is introvert or extrovert, aggressive or passive, introspective or irrespective. What that is exactly seems elusive and indefinable as we are focusing on the effect, not the mechanism. Enter science... as usual, complicating the study, rather than actually laying the observation to rest.
I found an interesting chart which compares the forms of contact which we socially control. The double cheek kiss, the hug, the handholding, etc... and evidently - even though societally controlled, it is never - ever - completely restrained. People touch for comfort in some manner across the human world.
("Touchability" in Europe - courtesy of the Atlantic)
![[Image: original.png]](https://cdn.theatlantic.com/thumbor/VQ256zpf_vGU2AbZERKA1vYkwjA=/630x510/media/img/posts/2015/10/taboo_zones_grey/original.png)
While certainly not a universally applicable chart, I found it interesting.
RE: Good habits: Holding hands (especially with a loved one) - ArMaP - 02-20-2024
(02-16-2024, 02:23 PM)Maxmars Wrote: If you want to help someone in distress, offer affirmation of your bond, enhance your connection to them, or even just show good will... touch them. You will likely both benefit from the contact.
As usual, it depends.
Some people do not like to be touched and we would only be increasing their distress.
(02-20-2024, 11:42 AM)Maxmars Wrote: While certainly not a universally applicable chart, I found it interesting.
Not even European, the social differences inside a country are enough to challenge that chart.
PS: the link doesn't work.
RE: Good habits: Holding hands (especially with a loved one) - Maxmars - 02-20-2024
(02-20-2024, 12:15 PM)ArMaP Wrote: As usual, it depends.
Some people do not like to be touched and we would only be increasing their distress.
Not even European, the social differences inside a country are enough to challenge that chart.
PS: the link doesn't work.
Of course, there are no 'universal' truths when it comes to culture and tradition...
Thanks for the head's up about the link. I have tried to fix it.
('Touchability Index' Ranks Europeans by Tolerance for Physical Contact - The Atlantic)
(Just in case.)
RE: Good habits: Holding hands (especially with a loved one) - Byrd - 02-21-2024
What a GREAT topic, and thanks for the many additions you've made! Lots to unpack... I've flagged this for later reading.
RE: Good habits: Holding hands (especially with a loved one) - FlyersFan - 02-22-2024
My husband and I have been married 34 years. We've known each other 53 years. We hold hands when out and about and when out for walks with the dog, etc. It's just natural for us.
RE: Good habits: Holding hands (especially with a loved one) - Maxmars - 02-23-2024
(02-22-2024, 03:37 PM)FlyersFan Wrote: My husband and I have been married 34 years. We've known each other 53 years. We hold hands when out and about and when out for walks with the dog, etc. It's just natural for us.
Last month would have been my 44th anniversary... I think I held hands with her more in the last 34 years, than in the first.
Bless you both...
RE: Good habits: Holding hands (especially with a loved one) - argentus - 02-24-2024
My Darlin' and me are both 65. She has been in pain throughout most of her life; she was paralyzed for more than a year in her teens, and diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis in her mid-20's. She's had a hip replacement, and the other, along with back surgery and knees is possible in the future.
All along the way, we've held hands. When I take her to hospital, we hold hands. She is such a fine lass and kind soul. We often lay in bed at night holding hands, and same when watching sports, (except when she springs to her feet and cheers).
I am glad to see validation of the value of that very simple touch. Thank you Maxmars!! We have of late began 'grounding', by laying our bare feet on the moist soil, grass and sand. I have done a bit of research, and if you are interested, I'd be happy to share it with you. I only wish I had not stopped walking barefoot decades ago -- back then the bottoms of my feet had a thick callus layer and I could walk on nearly everything.
