+- Deny Ignorance (https://denyignorance.com)
+-- Forum: Information & Collaboration (https://denyignorance.com/Section-Information-Collaboration)
+--- Forum: Short Stories (https://denyignorance.com/Section-Short-Stories)
+--- Thread: The sisters (/Thread-The-sisters)
The sisters - Maxmars - 08-28-2024
The Sisters
Love is us in the light,
Faith is us in the dark,
Hope is their little sister, shadow.
Light pervades, it is cast on everything.
Darkness is borne of knowledge, awareness of the unseen and ignorance.
Then comes the interplay between what we would desire, and what is.
Love is the source-fuel of spirit,
It is the stream in which we swim. It is the air we breathe.
Rejecting love requires a thing to displace it.
No void of love is without a source.
Faith is where we can prosper, navigating all that we can see.
Moving along the stream boldly, wisely relying on what 'ought to be' to avoid cataclysm.
So essentially pervasive is faith, that it engenders itself, without prompting, without hiding.
Faith is most often taken for granted in a world where words are playthings.
Hope is our agency.
Although often rejected, often diminished, it too persists endlessly undaunted.
She dances, flittering about like a pretty butterfly in the light.
We have choices in hope, but no certainty... faith is seen ever-presented with hope.
[author's note]
I really don't know if this is making any sense to anyone other than me...
Too obtuse, too pretentious?... I doubt anyone in my real life would even entertain this...
But you guys are often kinder, so I offer it humbly for your potential amusement.
RE: The sisters - Encia22 - 08-29-2024
Hi Maxmars,
This piece is profound as it delves into three very powerful and esoteric forces unified by a familial bonding; and it all makes sense to me. Even the title is perfectly appropriate.
I really like the structure; with the equivalences in the first verse, the definitions of those comparisons in the second verse and the elaborations in the last three. The pyramid-like structure I think adds a certain mystery to the whole.
Additionally, I’ve always enjoyed personifying objects, animals and traits, so, I appreciate that aspect of your poem/prose. Finally, the references to nature make it feel more organic and comforting; an especially beneficial read when our souls are troubled.
All in all, a solid 10/10!!
RE: The sisters - CCoburn - 08-29-2024
(08-28-2024, 03:35 PM)Maxmars Wrote: [author's note]
I really don't know if this is making any sense to anyone other than me...
Morpheus: "I know exactly what you mean."
RE: The sisters - Maxmars - 08-29-2024
@Encia22 and @CCoburn
Thanks for not embarrassing me in front of the others.
Unlike you two, my writing skills are nowhere near the "showing off" level of proficiency. But sometimes I write (sort of like 'doodling') and then I look at what I wrought and think "I'm not sure that really communicates what I was thinking."
You have restored my faith that the effort can be saved as much by the reader as the writer. Had no one said anything at all, I would have probably hung my head in metaphorical shame, thought myself far out of my depth, and moved quietly onward.
I noticed, only after the fact, the 'compositional' structure I fell into... it was not achieved with any strategic forethought (another sign that I am not a pro), I am glad it worked out to be a comfortable way to convey the thoughts I was having.
The inspiration was the idea that the old wisdom about love remains ultimately (and stubbornly) valid; that faith without love is mockery, and hope without faith is illusion.
RE: The sisters - Quantum12 - 08-29-2024
(08-28-2024, 03:35 PM)Maxmars Wrote: The Sisters
Love is us in the light,
Faith is us in the dark,
Hope is their little sister, shadow.
Light pervades, it is cast on everything.
Darkness is borne of knowledge, awareness of the unseen and ignorance.
Then comes the interplay between what we would desire, and what is.
Love is the source-fuel of spirit,
It is the stream in which we swim. It is the air we breathe.
Rejecting love requires a thing to displace it.
No void of love is without a source.
Faith is where we can prosper, navigating all that we can see.
Moving along the stream boldly, wisely relying on what 'ought to be' to avoid cataclysm.
So essentially pervasive is faith, that it engenders itself, without prompting, without hiding.
Faith is most often taken for granted in a world where words are playthings.
Hope is our agency.
Although often rejected, often diminished, it too persists endlessly undaunted.
She dances, flittering about like a pretty butterfly in the light.
We have choices in hope, but no certainty... faith is seen ever-presented with hope.
[author's note]
I really don't know if this is making any sense to anyone other than me...
Too obtuse, too pretentious?... I doubt anyone in my real life would even entertain this...
But you guys are often kinder, so I offer it humbly for your potential amusement.
Love this!
RE: The sisters - Encia22 - 08-30-2024
(08-29-2024, 03:26 PM)Maxmars Wrote: @Encia22 and @CCoburn
Thanks for not embarrassing me in front of the others.
...
You are too kind, Max, and too modest.
I don’t think that creative writing can be contained within four walls. Of course, there are some rules, but how you go about conveying your thoughts can only be a personal endeavour. If readers don’t appreciate the work, it’s not the fault of the writer nor the audience. When it is enjoyed, then that’s a common ground that satisfies both parties.
I like your ‘doodling’ description; it’s very much how I approach my stories. Often, just a spark of an idea, mainly visual, which I elaborate without thinking about structure or anything the ‘pros’ do. All I know is that I want to end as I started, so I start with the two ‘bookends’ and just work out the ‘muddle’ in between, just off the cuff, as it comes. At most, if I’m dealing with a subject matter I don’t know much about, I’ll do some research and just jot down some keywords, technical jargon, etc. More than anything else, I probably put the most effort into naming characters and working out their life paths.
Even if you didn’t wilfully construct your story as I described, I believe you subconsciously must have thought it out that way. Starting simple and then building up to a crescendo is probably the best way to hook your audience and keep them interested. So, in the end, I think you were successful in putting down on paper what was in your heart and mind… that can never be wrong.
Also, your story can be read multiple times and something new discovered every time. That’s the hallmark of a multi-layered tale, so there is something for every reader to enjoy, be it from a superficial read-through or a more attentive and in-depth approach.
RE: The sisters - KTemplar - 08-31-2024
I loved it!
RE: The sisters - xpert11 - 09-05-2024
(08-28-2024, 03:35 PM)Maxmars Wrote: [author's note]
I really don't know if this is making any sense to anyone other than me...
Too obtuse, too pretentious?... I doubt anyone in my real life would even entertain this...
But you guys are often kinder, so I offer it humbly for your potential amusement.
Don't worry. I sincerely appreciate the sentiments among what casts lights over our shadows.
