JonBenet

[midicon]

JonBenet


Oh who killed little JonBenet?
Is my poem for today.
A pushy mum, an absent dad,
A brother only slightly mad,
A neighbour in a basement lair,
A passer-by without a care.
Oh who killed little JonBenet?
Is my poem for today.

It's like a little nursery rhyme,
A story that got lost in time,
Of merry maids and merry men,
And Santa who returns again.
Of pageantry and beauty queens,
Where nothing is quite what it seems.
Oh who killed little JonBenet?
Is my poem for today.

A sailor's knot, a spider's web,
A pillow and an unmade bed.
A gun that stuns, a railway track,
A letter from a literary hack.
Too many clues and that's the truth -
A banquet for the armchair sleuth
The stage is set, and now the play -
Oh who killed little JonBenet?

 

[midicon]

Apologies... tried to fix formatting but failed... will return later to try again

Thank you so much Max. That looks fine! The poem is bad enough without the drama lol.

I think the only thing Im good for is little quirky nursery rhymes. I think it does no harm really and at least Im trying lol.

Thanks again!

ETA..my daughter thinks it needs another verse or two lol.

[Maxmars]

Thank you so much Max. That looks fine! The poem is bad enough without the drama lol.

I think the only thing Im good for is little quirky nursery rhymes. I think it does no harm really and at least Im trying lol.

Thanks again!

ETA..my daughter thinks it needs another verse or two lol.

It was no problem!  (Well maybe a little...  It was a stubbornly tricky embedding of text code)

Nevertheless...

When you write... I read....

Those 'quirky rhymes' represent a clarity of expression that I envy...

Never stop being you... please.

("Little" and "concise" are no strengths of mine... I need all the good examples you can muster.)

[Quantum12]

Nice poem! I have a question! Why did they not take the body temperature! At least the body temp could tell the time of death! I could be wrong!

[xpert11]

Midicon, you wrote a fabulous murder mystery poem.

[midicon]

Nice poem! I have a question! Why did they not take the body temperature! At least the body temp could tell the time of death! I could be wrong!

That's an interesting point Quantum. Rigor mortis had set in but no such test was made as far as i know. I'm not sure though if an accurate time of death would have solved anything unless it didn't agree with her parents account. That account meant her death occurred between 10.30pm and 6am when the note was found.
The case appeared for me as a Youtube suggestion and I had never heard of it before. I spent a few days on it out of curiosity. I think that little poem is my catharsis lol. I should maybe have added a verse or two on theories and my own opinion on the matter but I could go on forever.

Thanks for commenting Quantum, you are very kind. I did send you a PM but I'm not much of a navigator on here and think I somehow managed tp send it to myself. I've sent two PM's that appear in my own inbox lol.

---

Midicon, you wrote a fabulous murder mystery poem.

Thanks expert! I'm not sure I could ever live up to fabulous lol. I kind of like the idea of writing little sort of nursery rhymes. Its natural for me. Silly I know and anyone could probably do it. There are so many clever people here.

Thanks again!

[CCoburn]

I think this is actually pretty good; the Tinker the Cat one as well. On first glance earlier it didn't even click that this was about that little girl from the mid '90s. I suppose we were troubleshooting moreso than I was reading at the time.

You do seem to structure your writing very nicely from what I've seen so far. All of the stanzas are uniform right down to the line, and the width is mostly uniform as well(the aesthetically pleasing parts). Also, and last but not least, the content itself is nicely formulated.

Really the only thing I would critique here is the spacing after the title which is mostly just a minor aesthetic. From what I've learned it's usually double spaced and single spaced between stanzas.

You got an iPhone, lucky you. All I got is some cheap Android that I use in the car as a streaming dashcam, but I suppose it does the job. I'm fairly proficient with desktop PC's, but phones, not so much(at all, really).

[midicon]

I think this is actually pretty good; the Tinker the Cat one as well. On first glance earlier it didn't even click that this was about that little girl from the mid '90s. I suppose we were troubleshooting moreso than I was reading at the time.

You do seem to structure your writing very nicely from what I've seen so far. All of the stanzas are uniform right down to the line, and the width is mostly uniform as well(the aesthetically pleasing parts). Also, and last but not least, the content itself is nicely formulated.

Really the only thing I would critique here is the spacing after the title which is mostly just a minor aesthetic. From what I've learned it's usually double spaced and single spaced between stanzas.

You got an iPhone, lucky you. All I got is some cheap Android that I use in the car as a streaming dashcam, but I suppose it does the job. I'm fairly proficient with desktop PC's, but phones, not so much(at all, really).

I like critique CC, it gives me feedback that I can take on board! I never think about stanzas and stuff. I kind of just go for meter and rhyme. Ill have to look at that.

That sad affair really had a lot of elements that could lend themselves to such a rhyme. Where else would one find merry maids and Santa?

Thank you for taking the time to comment here and earlier too! I can learn a lot from someone like you!

Regards midicon

[Encia22]

Excellent and enjoyable, midicon. I like the unusual, almost rhetorical format. The theme makes it like Cluedo in poetry, if that makes sense.

Now that I see that this is an actual real murder case, of which I was oblivious, it all makes sense and makes your poem even more poignant and worth re-reading more attentively.

[midicon]

Excellent and enjoyable, midicon. I like the unusual, almost rhetorical format. The theme makes it like Cluedo in poetry, if that makes sense.

Now that I see that this is an actual real murder case, of which I was oblivious, it all makes sense and makes your poem even more poignant and worth re-reading more attentively.

Thanks Encia! Funnily enough I almost included the word 'cluedo'! All those little elements i include are parts of the story..even the knot and web! I could have included more, there is a long list. I forget that people might not understand my innuendos. The housekeeper for instance was employed by the Merry Maids cleaning company and she was a suspect. I'm not making light of the little girl's death though.

Thanks Encia, you always pop up up and say nice things!