I refuse to let go of my grief

[Maxmars]

We move on but we never forget, it’s a long arduos journey.
...
I believe in the future promise when all that is broken is repaired, that helps

I was trying to find comfort in the promise. 

But there is some element in me that recognizes it as a matter of faith... and frankly, as the least of God's children, my faith is not exactly helping.  But I do appreciate the idea.  I accept faith, but I don't embrace it as others appear to.

I know that she is free from her long suffering, and I rejoice for her in that freedom. 

I believe that we are not just the flesh machines science is capable of describing, so I do believe there is more to reality than what ends with biological function.  I think we are subject to that... so she still exists somewhere, somehow.  Whether she retains the 'system of memories' we all experience as 'a life' I can't rightly proclaim... but I can imagine that might bring pain. And I want her free of that too.

But - I love her still... and I pray that makes a connection that transcends the physical. 

Unfortunately for me, I can only live in the physical reality I am in, so even that connection fails to comfort me as I would like. 

But of course I'm being childish... since when is life all about what I want.