Yesterday, 06:17 AM
semi lucid state, the words are slowly leaving my reach...
When I close my eyes, there is no blackness, I now see light. It is not the brightest of lights, but at the same time it is. It most certainly is not a blackness. I have seen blackness, go fifteen feet down into underground storm drains, and then peer into an endless tunnel, during low light days or evenings. With your eyes wide open you see a pure and piercing blackness like the deepest of OLED Tv's . This is not present when I shut my eyes. When I shut my eyes I see a subdued pixelated splashes of violet, burgundy, maroon, mahagony, indigo, deep subdued oranges and yellows, but they are there. When I see these lights, my mind is filled with the most vivid and enlightening concepts.
I used to believe I needed substances to witness and feel this phenomenon, but through fasting and a recent dismissal of that which I thought I needed I have never seen so clearly. But the moment my eyes are open, the moment I am wake walking back into what is the normality I have always known, the words and experiences that flood through my consciousness begin to fade. The feeling of truth takes a back seat and its like I am back in a play or an act. Back into expected roles and established orthodoxies. I am trying to grasp it from a logical minded point of view.
Why does it feel like I see more light with my eyes closed, why does the best feeling I establish every day is sitting under a tree with my eyes closed or bathing directly in the warm light of the sun? The light changes dramatically with my eyes closed facing the sun. The reds and yellows and oranges are significantly brighter.
The eyelids are barely a millimeter thing, no? More of membrane than whole dermis.
My work sometimes takes me underground into very dark environments. The next time I am back in that darkness, I will see if that same lights is present when I shut my eyes in the sun as when they are wide open in the pure blackness. I don't know what I expect to experience, but thinking about it I dont believe I have tried that yet. To see the invisible light that makes it through the thin membrane of the eyelid in sunlight, using logic could just mean the infrared light that normally pierces things such as plastic and fabrics is coming through that membrane over the eyeball and that light cannot be dismissed by the visual cortex. While the eyes are open, it all blends into the gravitational distortions we see as matter. But with the eyes shut, it has no choice but to bear witness to the same geometric patterns and lights typically noticed in altered states. I have been chasing this light and now I have found it without altering my states.
But its is difficult and requires more training. The question in my mind is, what if I close my eyes in the pure blackness of the underground, and I still see the invisible light? What the heck would that mean? Well its only speculation now until I try it. Those underground environmetns are the only ones from my real life experience where something naturally feels completely black pure blackness, not just subdued light.
I don't know when I will have the opportunity to try but it really has me curious now.
its all gone, thats all that is left. Once I step away and begin to interact all those concepts and feeling of fullness slowly drift away. At least I managed to write this down.
When I close my eyes, there is no blackness, I now see light. It is not the brightest of lights, but at the same time it is. It most certainly is not a blackness. I have seen blackness, go fifteen feet down into underground storm drains, and then peer into an endless tunnel, during low light days or evenings. With your eyes wide open you see a pure and piercing blackness like the deepest of OLED Tv's . This is not present when I shut my eyes. When I shut my eyes I see a subdued pixelated splashes of violet, burgundy, maroon, mahagony, indigo, deep subdued oranges and yellows, but they are there. When I see these lights, my mind is filled with the most vivid and enlightening concepts.
I used to believe I needed substances to witness and feel this phenomenon, but through fasting and a recent dismissal of that which I thought I needed I have never seen so clearly. But the moment my eyes are open, the moment I am wake walking back into what is the normality I have always known, the words and experiences that flood through my consciousness begin to fade. The feeling of truth takes a back seat and its like I am back in a play or an act. Back into expected roles and established orthodoxies. I am trying to grasp it from a logical minded point of view.
Why does it feel like I see more light with my eyes closed, why does the best feeling I establish every day is sitting under a tree with my eyes closed or bathing directly in the warm light of the sun? The light changes dramatically with my eyes closed facing the sun. The reds and yellows and oranges are significantly brighter.
The eyelids are barely a millimeter thing, no? More of membrane than whole dermis.
My work sometimes takes me underground into very dark environments. The next time I am back in that darkness, I will see if that same lights is present when I shut my eyes in the sun as when they are wide open in the pure blackness. I don't know what I expect to experience, but thinking about it I dont believe I have tried that yet. To see the invisible light that makes it through the thin membrane of the eyelid in sunlight, using logic could just mean the infrared light that normally pierces things such as plastic and fabrics is coming through that membrane over the eyeball and that light cannot be dismissed by the visual cortex. While the eyes are open, it all blends into the gravitational distortions we see as matter. But with the eyes shut, it has no choice but to bear witness to the same geometric patterns and lights typically noticed in altered states. I have been chasing this light and now I have found it without altering my states.
But its is difficult and requires more training. The question in my mind is, what if I close my eyes in the pure blackness of the underground, and I still see the invisible light? What the heck would that mean? Well its only speculation now until I try it. Those underground environmetns are the only ones from my real life experience where something naturally feels completely black pure blackness, not just subdued light.
I don't know when I will have the opportunity to try but it really has me curious now.
its all gone, thats all that is left. Once I step away and begin to interact all those concepts and feeling of fullness slowly drift away. At least I managed to write this down.
