10-29-2024, 06:33 AM
Please don’t stop, Max. The story is gripping and you left us hanging with your riveting final line; it needs a continuation.
I liked the interjections with the childhood flashback and the ‘reality’ moments whilst cooking, etc. They help break up the tension and draw us into the family’s world, yet they integrate well without distracting us from the gravity of the situation.
I’m intrigued by the old sword, I feel this may be important at some point, perhaps not as a physical weapon, but more symbolically, for want of a better term. Added to the fact that the father has the ability to repel/dissuade the dark entities from doing their dirty deeds, I almost get a ‘Jedi Knight’ tingle about this.
It’s terrifying how ‘they’ attach to people who notice them… Navajo Skin-walker style, but even scarier in your tale.
Finally, unless it was intentional on your part, in which case ignore what follows, I would have liked for the characters to have names. In my storytelling, I spend a lot of time selecting names; mainly for my own entertainment and sanity, as it helps me keep track of conversations and who’s who.
Keep it going, Max… looking forward to Part III.
I liked the interjections with the childhood flashback and the ‘reality’ moments whilst cooking, etc. They help break up the tension and draw us into the family’s world, yet they integrate well without distracting us from the gravity of the situation.
I’m intrigued by the old sword, I feel this may be important at some point, perhaps not as a physical weapon, but more symbolically, for want of a better term. Added to the fact that the father has the ability to repel/dissuade the dark entities from doing their dirty deeds, I almost get a ‘Jedi Knight’ tingle about this.
It’s terrifying how ‘they’ attach to people who notice them… Navajo Skin-walker style, but even scarier in your tale.
Finally, unless it was intentional on your part, in which case ignore what follows, I would have liked for the characters to have names. In my storytelling, I spend a lot of time selecting names; mainly for my own entertainment and sanity, as it helps me keep track of conversations and who’s who.
Keep it going, Max… looking forward to Part III.
