Dark Night of the Soul

[FlickerOfLight]

I couldn't find a spiritual forum, but this will do.

This is a spiritual enlightenment.


I have been on my own spiritual journey for quite some time. Truth be told, I've been on this journey my entire life; only just now coming to realize it. It has been like falling asleep; slowly at first, and then all at once.

The deep spiritual awakening started in January of 2018. At first it was pure bliss, peace and joy like I've never known. Insight after insight. It was if psychic abilities started to awaken within me. I started to learn to control my environment. I was learning how giving my energy to people can affect them depending on the energy given to them. If i was charged up with a powerful energy of peace, every person around me was affected, and they too would rest in that peace. All these experiences were so wonderful and inspiring. I walked around on cloud nine, in total peace love and joy. I was spreading this around, and sharing these things with anyone and everyone. It was nirvana.

As things progressed I started to pass along wisdom I was learning and growing in. I'm a born teacher and so I began to teach. It was always those who were down on their luck, or lost in their journey, or just needed to feel loved and important. I had many people who came to me for a comforting word, or insight into themselves or their lives and paths. Many people came to me and were blessed by the very things that were blessing me. This too was nirvana.

As time went on a bit, and as I was seeing deeper into the truth, more and more lies were coming into the light. The curtain was being drawn back even further. I started to see the true wickedness of the world. The depravity of spirit in the world. The lack of compassion and love was becoming abundantly clear to me. My time of teaching was coming to an end. I started to see that people didn't like the truth. The more truth I spoke the more I was starting to be cast aside. Slowly at first, and then all at once. I found myself alone. The joy and peace were wavering as I became distraught by the lack of love in the human heart. I started to realize that it was not enlightenment people were looking for.

Isolation came...


As I sat alone I started to dive deep into meditation. I started exploring deeper into my mind. I was in depression now. The darkest deepest depression I had ever known. I wept for the world....and myself. I saw the darkest parts of my mind. The evil within me. The dark shadow of my mind and my soul. I hated what I saw. I saw myself for who I truly am, down to the darkest parts of myself. I found out I was angry. Fiercely angry at the injustices of this world. I was furious at all the suffering and pain. I was angry at people for their lack of love and compassion for one another. I had relived every pain I had ever felt. I had fallen into the darkest place I had ever been. As this was at its darkest, taking my own life came to mind. It was all too much. I felt I couldn't do anything to help or stop or change any of this. I had reached this realization, and I didn't like the world I was seeing....nor did I want to be a part of it anymore. I didn't like the evil that was inside of myself. I had hurt people even without the desire to hurt anyone. I wrestled with these thoughts for months.


And then the dawn came. Like watching the sky start to turn as the sun starts to bring light back to the sky after a long dark night.


I am in the dawn at the moment. Just before the sun comes up.

I am glad to see the Light again. I can't wait to see what this New Day brings...

[FlyersFan]

I'm not sure what you are going through.  It isn't the classic 'Dark Night of the Soul'.  Mediation is impossible during a God given 'Dark Night of the Soul' purgation, and depression doesn't take over because the soul still hopes in God.  I guess maybe it's a different kind of 'Dark Night of the Soul' then the one that I have learned about. 

The Catholic Church describes the Dark Night of the Soul differently.   Here you go .... 

The Dark Night of the Soul is preceded by the Dark Night of the Senses.  This is when one feels unmoved by prayer life and there is dryness in prayer and meditation.  A person yearns for consolation from God but does not receive it.  A person feels spiritual desolation.   The faith is never lost and the Dark Night of the Senses comes to an end.

The Dark Night of the Soul is when all consolation is gone.  The person feels totally cut off from God yet still chooses God and continues on even though he/she feels lost to God.  The person still yearns for God and does not choose evil because of feeling cut off.   People may border on depression and desolation because of the spiritual suffering but do not cross over into it.  Spiritual dryness continues.  

This is a state of suffering allowed by God to bring the soul closer to Him in the end.  Although the person feels far from God, he/she is actually being drawn closer to Him through the suffering.  This suffering isn't brought on by the person but is initiated by God to purify the soul.  It's a purgation.  

St. John of the Cross is a Catholic saint who went through, and wrote about, the Dark Night of the Soul.  He said there are three signs that a person is truly going through the God initiated Dark Night of the Soul -

- Finding no comfort in the things of the world or in the things of God.

- The person is concerned that he/she is actually going backwards spiritually, that he/she isn't serving God, that he/she is no longer aware of the things of God.

- Inability to meditate on the things of God and to use the imagination on the things of God like before the Dark Night of the Soul came upon him/her.

The suffering and isolation in the true Dark Night of the Soul that comes from God is so intense that the person may even feel that God doesn't exist for him/her and the person can come close to depression over it, but they do not cross that line.  Even if they feel God doesn't exist for him/her, they still choose God and reject evil.    Clinical depression requires medical attention, whereas the Dark Night of the Soul requires perseverance and it has a spiritual purpose of purgation.  

St. John of the Cross went through it and wrote about it.  So did St. Mother Teresa.  So did St. Therese the Little Flower.   Lots of writings about the Dark Night of the Soul and the saints in Catholic literature.  Some good information out there.

[FlickerOfLight]

I'm not sure what you are going through.  It isn't the classic 'Dark Night of the Soul'.  Mediation is impossible during a God given 'Dark Night of the Soul' purgation, and depression doesn't take over because the soul still hopes in God.  I guess maybe it's a different kind of 'Dark Night of the Soul' then the one that I have learned about. 

The Catholic Church describes the Dark Night of the Soul differently.   Here you go .... 

The Dark Night of the Soul is preceded by the Dark Night of the Senses.  This is when one feels unmoved by prayer life and there is dryness in prayer and meditation.  A person yearns for consolation from God but does not receive it.  A person feels spiritual desolation.   The faith is never lost and the Dark Night of the Senses comes to an end.

The Dark Night of the Soul is when all consolation is gone.  The person feels totally cut off from God yet still chooses God and continues on even though he/she feels lost to God.  The person still yearns for God and does not choose evil because of feeling cut off.   People may border on depression and desolation because of the spiritual suffering but do not cross over into it.  Spiritual dryness continues.  

This is a state of suffering allowed by God to bring the soul closer to Him in the end.  Although the person feels far from God, he/she is actually being drawn closer to Him through the suffering.  This suffering isn't brought on by the person but is initiated by God to purify the soul.  It's a purgation.  

St. John of the Cross is a Catholic saint who went through, and wrote about, the Dark Night of the Soul.  He said there are three signs that a person is truly going through the God initiated Dark Night of the Soul -

- Finding no comfort in the things of the world or in the things of God.

- The person is concerned that he/she is actually going backwards spiritually, that he/she isn't serving God, that he/she is no longer aware of the things of God.

- Inability to meditate on the things of God and to use the imagination on the things of God like before the Dark Night of the Soul came upon him/her.

The suffering and isolation in the true Dark Night of the Soul that comes from God is so intense that the person may even feel that God doesn't exist for him/her and the person can come close to depression over it, but they do not cross that line.  Even if they feel God doesn't exist for him/her, they still choose God and reject evil.    Clinical depression requires medical attention, whereas the Dark Night of the Soul requires perseverance and it has a spiritual purpose of purgation.  

St. John of the Cross went through it and wrote about it.  So did St. Mother Teresa.  So did St. Therese the Little Flower.   Lots of writings about the Dark Night of the Soul and the saints in Catholic literature.  Some good information out there.

I had to shorten a six year journey into a single short post.

Actually, truth be told, what I went through sounds very similar to what you have written here.

I had lost the ability to meditate for a while. I also did feel abandoned by God, or that Gid didn't even exist, or that I had it all wrong about God; at one point I even considered if God was Satan. That was the darkest of it for me.


But yes, very similar. I must not have the writing skills of all those saints.

Finally, yes. The experience brought me even closer to God when I came out of the depression portion.
I already knew the Lord very well. I thought I had lost him for a minute in there. But no, I can see what the purpose of all that was.

I faced myself.

And there are also many many texts on the "Dark Night of the soul" from many different authors of many digital backgrounds.

I imagine this is a little different for each individual.

[Nerb]

.....at one point I even considered if God was Satan. That was the darkest of it for me.

Take one Satan, remove his tail.

Remove his horns and stick them in the pointy end of his tail to make a Snake with Fangs.

Voilà, we're left with one God and a Snake.

Who did the metaphorical surgery? "A MEN".

Now join me in singing a "HIM".

[FlickerOfLight]

Take one Satan, remove his tail.

Remove his horns and stick them in the pointy end of his tail to make a Snake with Fangs.

Voilà, we're left with one God and a Snake.

Who did the metaphorical surgery? "A MEN".

Now join me in singing a "HIM".

Nice. I dig it. Spot on too.